Let it snow!

PLEASE! Let it snow. Yes, we are still alive here in Minnesota and are VERY grateful for AC. It's in the 90s all week with 80+% humidity. Can you say sauna? What I wouldn't give for some snow right now... ahhhhhh. Never thought I'd be wishing for snow so badly. I'm keeping us inside and only venturing out for the most necessary trips. We tried to go outside to eat our homeade popsicles (yum!) and they were melting too fast. Ha!

Anyway.. I've neglected to blog forever for various reasons but am happy to say that we are doing well and thriving! Scott has been on formula for about 2 months now and is happy as a clam. I think he was hungry (that all the stress effected my milk supply) and has a milk sensitivity. He sleeps well and in a crib.. most of the time. He slept in his carseat for a while because it would keep him asleep, but we've got him in his crib now and put him in his seat if he's really fussy. Hey, whatever works right?! He's sooo close to crawling and is just surviving being loved to death by Sarah. He's gotten pretty good at pulling her hair and biting her because she's too curious and puts her finger in his mouth. It's pretty funny. He's sturdy enough that I let Sarah play with him more and he loves is, but she still can't control herself. So I have to protect him most of the day.

Sarah at the neighbor's with her new BFF, Tabby

Sarah has hit 2 and has got an AT-TI-TUDE! Whoa. Watch out. Sadly, she reminds me a lot of.. me in this respect. She's VERY particular and has to have everything perfect. Like, she HAS to have her blanky and her sippy cup of water in hand for bed. Otherwise, no dice. She's very attached to her blanky right now. She has to spread out the blanket just right to wrap her baby up in it. She has to have her food just right for her to eat it. ..........sigh. She goes to time-out a lot.. but is quick to give kisses and hugs, and that adorable smile. She is very helpful most of the time and will do or get me whatever I ask. She's very smart but stubborn and throws fits if she doesn't get her way. Oh well.. she's 2. I've got to learn patience somehow.

Kurtis is still plugging away at school and is almost halfway done! YAY! We're expecting to graduate next summer! After that, we have no idea what we'll do with all our spare time. Haha! He is still in Scouts and YM and is swamped at work. It's amazing that we ever see him. Poor guy! He's such a hard worker. But he loves it.

We went to see family in Massachusettes last month and will have pictures shortly.. we celebrated my grandparents' 80th birthday and got to see everyone in my family except my brother Mark who is Afghanistan..but should be home at the end of August!! It was a great trip.

Kurtis' family is coming HERE (YAY for not having to do another plane ride!) in a couple weeks. All the men and younger siblings will go to the Boundary Waters up north to canoe for a week and my sis-in-law and mom-in-law will stay with the kiddos. We are totally excited.

In other news.. I'm grateful for all the support I had during the first half of the year with Scott. I learned a lot and relied a lot on prayer. So grateful for prayer. I'm so thrilled to say that we are all doing well and are very happy as a family. I am trying to get a move on with my life and get some things accomplished! Like organize my house, clean, and take care of myself (on top of being a Mom!). I'm doing a little at a time but it feels great. I'm also training for a half-marathon at the end of August. Ugh. It's not fun to run in this weather.. but I did 6 miles on Saturday and felt great! I've never run more than 3 at a time in my life so this is a BIG deal!

So, this is us. I'll get pictures up as soon as I can get them loaded. Love to all! Stay cool.

4 months

HE ROLLED OVER! I just had to mention that first.. multiple times. Gotta watch out now! He's nearly 15 pounds and is so active. The Dr. even mentioned he looks like an 'active, alert' baby which is a term for some babies.. apparently. Great. Maybe that explains the not-sleeping because he wants to be in the party! He is drooly. He gets so excited when he sees you. He's responding to Sarah's interactions more. He's hopefully starting to sleep better.. but he's my little rolly polly. Look at those arms! So cute!

PS- I think he looks like Dobby. He's my little old man that Scotty!

All together now!

Here are some pictures of recent days.. it's amazing what precious moments the camera captures! Be sure to add you're own captions.. heaven knows I could use a good laugh!

 These boots were made for walkin'

 Daddy's girl. Seriously. This girl LOVES tools!

 My big boy! He loves the bumbo.. really. Even if  he can't sit up correctly yet.

 This is a daily occurance, which explains the face. Poor kid. He's loved so much it hurts! And look at Sarah, she's so excited to play with him. Half the time she's under there with him practically, or actually, on top of him.

 Regression? Or comfort?

 This is Emmy, Scott's girlfriend. Our friends the Weir's were over for dinner. She is a month older than Scott

 Pigtails!! I can finally do something with Sarah's hair! But yes, she still has a mullet.

 Regression..for real this time. Well maybe jealousy. I want a fun bouncy chair and something to soothe me too!

We go see the story man some weeks and he gives out balloons. And this playset is next door at the daycare. Sarah looks at it longingly most days. I don't like to impose unless they are out there playing already.

 This is what happens when daddy gets you dressed and you start acting like him.

Isn't he just so cute! I love to talk to him. He's just adorable. He is happy most of the time!

 This is what happens when Daddy takes care of you.

 This is what happens when Mommy just doesn't care. What? She was happy for a good half an hour!

Murmurings

So I mentioned March has been a blur. April too. Really, Since Scott was born my life has just been turned upside-down. At first it was dealing with a newborn and post-pardnum recovery. Then it was coming to terms with losing what little freedoms and routines I had with Sarah all over again to Scott's constant needs. Then it was just figuring out how to deal with them both by myself all day and keep the house running, food on the table and everyone's personal hygiene in good standing. (No joke.. I had to really concentrate and remind myself to brush my teeth every day) Then it was dealing with Scott's fussyness and gas issues.

Then.. we had a couple weeks of solid sleeping. Like Scott was sleeping 7 and 4 hour stretches. We had them in the same room. Life was looking good.

And then.. he stopped. Really stopped. Sleeping that is. He started waking up every 1-2 hours. At first I fed him thinking it was a growth spurt because boys are just hungrier I had heard. Then I thought-he's huge! He's gaining weight fine and is healthy. So I tried letting him cry. Well, that woke up Sarah so we moved him back in our room. I don't have to explain to anyone how difficult it is to listen to a crying baby. I really tried letting him cry but felt like he was in pain and felt bad doing it for long. So.. I let him cry but not too long until I give him his binky back and try to comfort him a little. There were many sleepless nights. Sarah woke up a lot too and became really needy. We were all really frustrated, angry, yelling at eachother.. it just wasn't happy in our house.

I'm not going to lie. It's been a rough 6 weeks. Really rough. I've wanted to scream just about every day because I'm just so frustrated. I've wanted to hit and break things. I've never cried so much. I've wanted to run away numerous times because I just couldn't take it anymore. And, to make it worse.. I saw so many other mothers who had multiple children who seemed to be doing just fine! What was my problem?

I have never, let me make that clear.. but I can see how some parents would shake their babies. My heart aches for them.

And it is worse when they are both crying at the same time. One is always neglected if I'm alone and that makes me feel horrible, until I'm past feeling.. which makes me feel even worse for not feeling guilty.

I've tried to go out and do things like play groups and story time. It has started to warm up but.. it's cold again. I've tried to remind myself that Scott is still 'little' and that this will get better as he grows. But he's 4 months now.. is it going to get better??

I think he has a milk allergy, which is what his gas problem is - forcing the discomfort. But I don't want to change my diet. I'm trying some nursing tips from a nursing expert.. but am growing impatient!

He has slept a little better in the past week. Going back to sleep better after crying..feeding only a couple times.. sleeping longer stretches.. but the lack of good quality sleep is getting old. Crying babies all the time is getting old. The COLD is getting old! Sheesh!

I've also tried to be better at my personal prayers and personal scripture study to try to help get some blessings. You're supposed to be blessed for doing what you're supposed to right? But.. I didn't feel like it. I felt like "I'm doing it, now where are my blessings?"

So I feel a bit like Laman and Lemuel from the Book of Mormon. You know.. the brothers of the Nephi and sons of the prophet Lehi. They murmured all the time! Over everything. Because it was hard and they wanted to be in control. They had angels come, they heard the voice of the Lord, they had this and that to PROVE to them that the Lord was real and that they were blessed. Of course they repented and believed every time.. but when times got tough, they went right back to murmuring. That's me. I'm a murmurer. In the same cycle.

I try to see the blessings. I do. I have 2 beautiful children. Healthy. Adorable. I love them. Sarah is so sweet when she knows I'm sad and will give me hugs without me asking. Scott has the sweetest smile and little cooing. He takes a binky! My husband has a great job and is providing for our family. He's got a great opportunity with school. We're healthy. We are together. He loves me and our kids. I have wonderful friends, neighbors, and family who have all offered support when I've reached out and even when I haven't. Thank you for that. Most of all.. I have the gospel and the knowledge that the Savior knows me and how to succor me.

I know that this experience is teaching me that I need to rely on the Lord more. I got the chance to attend Time Out For Women, a women's conference put on by Deseret Book. The speakers were wonderful and gave me a boost. The best was Brad Wilcox (ahhhhh!! I listened to his youth talks all the time! So dreamy..) who spoke of the Atonement and how we must rely on the Lord in everything. I can't do this. I can't be a mother alone. I need divine help. I need guidance. I need strength. I need Him. I need to do better and be more dilligent to do my part.. so He can do His.

It is going to be ok. It is. I have to believe. I'm trying to be better and make better choices so I can have the Spirit in my life. Someone pointed out a quote recently that really hit me - President Erying said "If you have felt the influence of the Holy Ghost during this day...you may take it as evidence that the Atonement is working in your life." What a great indicator.

So I'm not asking for sympathy or suggestions on how to deal. I just need to get my murmurings out so I can get on to the better part.. and focus on the good. Thanks for listening. I love you all.

March maddness

Seriously! The last month has been a blur! To start with..we both have March birthdays! We kept it low key but I wanted a date for my birthday! And so we got a baby-sitter (thanks Jean!) and went to dinner at a Japanese steakhouse and then went ice skating! (Note: we went ice skating on our first date and haven't been since. It was a bit nostalgic for me!) I do have to say that the place was PACKED. There was a regional swim meet, hockey game and open skating that night at the athletic center. Also, ice skating is 'the place to be' on Saturday nights for teenagers. Texting and skating too.. grrrrrr.... And there were tons of little kids too. I think we were the only adults out there. Let's not talk about how hard it was not to feel like an idiot when all these tiny kids go zipping past on the ice because they've been playing hockey since they were like 3.... anyway. It was fun. I tried to convince myself I wouldn't fall down a lot..don't know why I was so confident because I fell within the first 10 minutes and about every 10 minutes until we left. But we had a blast and it was sooooooooo good to have a night out.

 Why it's so difficult for me to lift my stinking leg I have NO IDEA!

Kurtis in a spin.. can't you tell? See! That was one of those little speed demons. Always in the way..

BUT WAIT! I also happened upon something amazing on Craigslist.... a piano! Within a week this baby was safe and sound (thanks to the missionaries and Bryce and the May's truck) in my living room. Sarah is thrilled to play it all the time and gets mad at me when I sit down to play on her piano.

 Isn't she just adorable! I can't wait to give her lessons. I swear she was plinking out notes to "twinkle twinkle" the other day...

 But most days I'm just hanging around with these two imps. Sarah won't let me get too many pictures because she's so interested in what's on the camera screen.

And she likes to climb all over me if I'm on the ground.